NOT the Bulletin!

The notes below are a transcription of a document masquerading as a special edition of the Bulletin and which was distributed to Club members early in 2005. Despite intensive (or extensive) enquiries, the authorship of the document remains shrouded in mystery.

In view of the (then) on-going deliberations of the Strategic Sub-Committee of the Club Service Committee, I felt that an even wider circulation of the document was justified.

PRESS FLASH

We are proud to announce that we have had an early glimpse of the Minutes of the "Club Committee Committee" and now pass it on for the benefit of Club Members. Naturally we cannot reveal the source of what we believe is a genuine account of the thinking of the Committee.

Club Committee Committee - Mission Statement:

-- To boldly go into the club's infrastructure;

-- To think the unthinkable;

-- To propose the unproposable;

-- To make possible the impossible;

-- To club the unclubbable.

PROPOSALS

Committee to Defend Old Rotary Ideals Safely (DORIS)

Membership: Derek Sowell, Philip May, Joe Hutchinson, David McFarlane, Jim Mulhall, Malcolm Proud.

Role: To protect the Club from all other Committees.

Committee for New Initiatives, Trendy Wild Ideas & Terrific Schemes (NITWITS)

Membership: John Hehir, Arthur Bullough, Geoffrey Cook & any other volunteers.

Meetings: Weakly  (sorry)  Weekly or, more properly, not at all.

Committee for Survival of Sunderland AFC (SOS)

Membership: Tom Wilkes, Cecil Laverick, Frank Davison.

Meetings: Match Days, 3:00pm.

Committee for Money and Financial Ideas and Aid (MAFIA)

Membership: Keith Willans, Alan Ribchester, Neil Jones.

Meetings: Whenever the Treasurer loses his balance.

Committee for Remainder of Geriatric, Balding, Ageing Gentlemen (RAGBAG)

Membership; All those who qualify.

Role: To consider and make recommendations to DORIS on the following topics:

-- The war in Iraq;
-- The riverside shelter;
-- Colin Beswick's taste in ties;
-- A fourth Durham Rotary Club;
-- Brian Peart's golf handicap;
-- The Club Secretary's dietary quirks;
-- The future of Everton, Sheffield Wednesday, Middlesbrough, Newcastle United
-- and Wrexham;
-- The redesign of the Charity Bag;
-- The weekly soup;
-- The Treasurer's tardy tendencies;
-- A thumb-proof register.